Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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