ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
