Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
