do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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