i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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