I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
