So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
