Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
