Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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