how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
