He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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