You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
