Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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