I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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