i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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