This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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