I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
