Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
