Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
