therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
