college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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