but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
