He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize