trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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