When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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