he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
