Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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