he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
