dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
