"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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