she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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