Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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