shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
