maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
