this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
