Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
