he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
