i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
