Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
