do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Im part way to drunk.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
