Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize