So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
