false alarm. still invincible.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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