so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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