bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
