it hurts more in the daytime
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
