My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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