took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
