That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
