you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize