You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
