I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
