tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
