3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
