You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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