She is in my trunk
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
