I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
