You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
