Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
