I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
