Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize