There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
