too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
