If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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