My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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