Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize