dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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