I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
