Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
