i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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