cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize