you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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