i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
