i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
