You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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