Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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