you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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