I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
