so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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