do herpes really smell.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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