Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
