so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
