I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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