beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's just like the Real World with babies
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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