textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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