He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
