i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
