if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wish my penis had a tongue
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize