Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
