At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
there is glitter all over my balls
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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