i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
