ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
