Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize