i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
