Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
