I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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