He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
