Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I supernannyed him into submission
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
