Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
