I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
