OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
