you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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