I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
