Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
