In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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