You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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