Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
birth control should be required to get into college
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
