I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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